Is parenting like gardening, I wonder. Do I know what seed I have been given to nourish and allow me to grow? The universal laws of water and sun apply to children as much as they do to plants.
Do I not allow my creeping and flowering plant to be close to a trellis? Do I not allow my other creeping but heavy fruit-bearing plant to crawl unhindered on the ground? Will I try to break them and mold them into trees or shrubs? Will I force them to stand tall and shame them for looking for support? Will I ridicule the flowers as a weak substitute for mighty fruits like melons or will I scold the melon because it grew on the ground and is marred by dirt?
What if the oak grows at a slow rate whereas my bamboo is shooting up three feet a day? What then?
Don't each of the plants or trees or shrubs or grass have their own purpose? Is anyone diminished because the other shine? What then is this notion of missing out on the best for our children?
What is my role? Perhaps just allow them to be seen and heard and feel worthy of belonging to this world and living out their life. Be a trellis for my creeper. Encourage my melon to wander uninhibited on the ground. Be a stake to my tomatoes.
Watch for bugs and notice undue influences. In case of a severe infestation, repot, remove leaves and provide tender care and allow regrowth. This might be the most overlooked of all parenting duties when we are so caught up in the day to day and responsibilities towards the house and children. It is to take a moment to notice growth, accomplishments, ideas, feelings, new anything. Like plants, the children are growing daily, and it is our job to carefully watch them. Not to interfere, not to meddle, not to change or control, not even to fix, but to notice. And make them feel seen and heard and noticed for who they are growing to be. With curiosity. All the while assuring them of our unconditional love and support.
I believe it is never too late to start. Happy parenting!
Shobana
